Not hurt nor unloved, yet confused and afraid of making a move that could forever cease contact. Would it be worth it? This question sleeps in the back of my brain continuously traveling through my thoughts throughout the day, trying to decipher if yes, it is worth it simply because you are worth it. You are enough, more than enough for me. Or maybe I’m just a fool for you. Reminiscing about your crimson skin against your sunkissed hair sends more chills through my bones than any winter night but your eyes are colder. The pure image of seeing you, all of you is so powerful enough to wake me from my deepest slumber, as it did this morning. Hence, why I pursue to write this now before my 8am class.
So peaceful and fulfilling I was, as I rested and watched the fluid visions stream behind my eyes. I was yours and you were mine. Like it should have been from the start. No care in the world besides each other’s happiness and the fact that old fashioned loyalty was still in its prime. We looked into each other’s eyes with such fire and passion that we could have melted time and remained in our own universe til eternity. You loved me, but never told me. Your eyes did, your hands did, your heart did. Still a fool for you. As I watched your soft, freckled hands untie my last button I was certain in that moment I had become yours forever and a decade.
My eyes flew open faster than ever as I tried to gain consciousness from the wet dream that took over my body and soul. Strong waves of vivid memories of this encounter sent my emotions flying drastically to each end of the spectrum. Why the fuck was I letting him control so much of me. He doesn’t want me. Competing with girls is now an Olympic Game that is more challenging than fighting gladiators. Constant battle of trying to stand out compared to breast, trying to be more relevant than the girl who sees right past him, trying to give him more attention than the girl who only gives him one text, trying to make a passionate hug mean more than her useless peck on the cheek fills me with such disgust about myself never being enough. It’s not healthy. Alas, I’m still a fool for him. Just a little bit of his heart is all I want because I’ve heard a little bit of love is better than none